What to Know About Abandonment Trauma
Abandonment trauma is a type of trauma that causes intense fear about losing people, being alone, or feeling lonely. It usually starts during childhood.
The loss of a parent, a partner, or even a pet can cause a person to worry about losing others that are close to them. But when that fear turns into anxiety, you may be experiencing abandonment trauma. This type of trauma causes intense fear about losing people, being alone, or feeling lonely.
Abandonment trauma usually starts during childhood. But it can also be caused by medical conditions, genetics, or brain chemistry. Depending on the trauma you experienced or witnessed as a child, it can affect you into adulthood and make it hard to maintain healthy relationships.
Some events that can lead to abandonment trauma include, but are not limited to:
Death of a parent or family member
Divorce of parents
Abuse, including emotional or physical
Adults experience trauma, too. Think of going through a divorce, being in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, or the sudden loss of a loved one. These experiences and more can lead to issues caused by abandonment trauma.
What are the effects of abandonment trauma?
Your earliest relationships can shape future ones. These first relationships are usually with your parents or caregivers. And what happens in your childhood can affect how you communicate and interact with others later in life. This is known as attachment style.
When people experience trauma caused by abandonment, they may develop an attachment style such as:
Avoidant attachment style: People with this attachment style feel insecure in their relationships. They try to protect themselves from future loss. This may mean they avoid getting close to others. They may find it hard to trust.
Anxious-Ambivalent attachment style: People with this attachment style form close bonds quickly. They may become overly dependent on friends or partners. Their behavior alternates between clingy and avoidant.
Disoriented-Disorganized attachment style: This attachment style is a mix of the other two. People’s behavior can be unpredictable. They may want to connect, but then they push people away.
What are the signs of abandonment trauma?
Do you or someone you know often have problems in relationships? Do you avoid getting close to people? Then it may be due to severe or prolonged anxiety caused by abandonment trauma. People with these issues often have trouble building healthy relationships with partners, family members, or friends.
Other signs of abandonment trauma include:
Having a hard time trusting people
Ending healthy relationships quickly and without warning
Rushing relationships
Staying in an unhappy relationship to avoid being alone
Acting jealous or controlling
Overreacting to small problems
Needing to be with your partner or loved one all the time and feeling anxious when apart
Having a substance use or eating disorder
Having self-harming behaviors and thoughts
Children can show signs of abandonment trauma, too. Common signs include:
Clinging to parents or having tantrums when they leave
Feeling intense worry, panic, or fear about being alone
Not wanting to go to daycare or school
Not wanting to sleep away from home
Having nightmares or difficulty sleeping
Bedwetting
Having headaches, upset stomach, changes in appetite, or other physical symptoms
Having problems in school, with other activities, or with friends
How are issues from abandonment trauma treated?
Issues from abandonment trauma can be diagnosed as a separation anxiety disorder. No matter your age, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can treat abandonment trauma. CBT can help you cope with issues from your abandonment trauma. It does this by pointing out harmful and negative thoughts and behaviors that you’ve learned over time. It then teaches healthy and productive ways of thinking, communicating, and interacting with others.
This type of therapy can also help you understand what causes your issues with abandonment, such as anxiety. It may be caused by a sudden death or loss of a loved one, conflict, abusive relationship, or other difficult life events. Once you know this, you can learn healthy coping methods and communication skills.
Medication may also be prescribed based on your physical and mental health histories and evaluations.
Know that issues with abandonment trauma are treatable. With the right help and support, you can learn how to build healthy relationships now and into the future. To find support in your area, call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline for free and confidential information.
If you are thinking of harming yourself or others, call or text 988 . You will be connected to trained crisis counselors at the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline . The 988 Lifeline services are free and available 24/7.