Support After Pregnancy Loss

Support After Pregnancy Loss: Helpful Tips, Support Options and Hope

Pregnancy loss can leave you sorting through questions, emotions and physical recovery all at once. There is no single path through this experience. It’s best to move forward in a way that works for you.

The team at UMass Memorial Health is here for you. We are by your side during this time, whether you need follow-up care, information or heartfelt support. For more details, read Following Your Birth Loss: A Guide to Care and Bereavement.

Where to Find Support

The team at UMass Memorial supports you in the weeks and months ahead. After pregnancy loss, schedule a follow-up appointment with your provider. You can make the appointment before leaving the hospital. At this visit, you can discuss your physical healing as well as your emotional and mental health. You can also turn to your doctor before and after this appointment as questions come up or if you want extra guidance.

Options for support after pregnancy loss include: 

• Community Birth Loss Support Group: Connecting with other parents who’ve experienced pregnancy loss can give you space to share what you’re going through.
• Social workers: Our social work team can help with practical needs, provide emotional support and connect you with additional resources.
• Books and online resources: Many parents find comfort in learning how others have navigated pregnancy loss. Our bereavement guide contains a book list and websites for further reading.

For additional support, contact our social worker, Jillian Santom, LICSW 
Tel: 508-334-1298 
Pager: 508-334-1000, #6394

Physical Recovery From Delivery

As your body heals from childbirth, certain physical changes are common. Here’s what to expect: 

• Bleeding and cramping: You’ll likely bleed for a few weeks, but it should lessen over time. If the flow becomes very heavy or you pass large clots, contact your provider.
• Soreness: You may feel discomfort after a vaginal birth or around a cesarean birth incision. Keep the area clean, rinse with warm water periodically and apply ice packs if needed.
• Breast changes: Your breast milk may start to come in, making your breasts feel full. If you decide to suppress breast milk production, talk to your provider about medications to take and ways to ease breast discomfort. Alternatively, you may be considering breast milk donation. Your provider can direct you to resources that help with breast milk donation after pregnancy loss, such as Mothers’ Milk Bank Northeast.

Tending to Your Emotional Health

It’s common to feel a mix of emotions right now. Healing from childbirth while grieving can make these feelings stronger. You may experience: 

• Mood swings: It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or on edge. Hormonal changes and exhaustion can add to the emotional weight of this time.
• Grief that changes day to day: Your mood can shift between sadness, numbness, anger or moments of quiet.
• Emotional fatigue: You may have less patience, focus or energy for everyday tasks.

Important note: If you have thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or the Postpartum Support International HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773. You deserve support and don’t have to manage these feelings alone.

Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is different from grief and deserves attention on its own. Here are some signs to look for:

• Sadness or hopelessness
• Anxiety that doesn’t ease
• Trouble sleeping
• Little interest in food or other daily tasks
• Withdrawing from people or favorite activities

Want to know more? Take our postpartum depression assessment.

Honoring Your Baby

Honoring your baby gives you a way to acknowledge their place in your life, in whatever form feels right. Here are a few options:

• Create a space for memories: Some parents keep a small box, shelf or corner for items that remind them of their baby.
• Plant something: A plant, tree or garden can offer a living reminder you can return to over time.
• Hold a small service or moment of reflection: This can be religious or entirely personal, shared or private, now or whenever you feel ready.

Interacting With Loved Ones After Pregnancy Loss

Pregnancy loss can reshape the way you connect with those around you. There may be new kinds of conversations as everyone adjusts and tries to support each other.

Here are a few tips:

Talking With Your Other Children

Children often understand more than adults expect. You may find it helpful to:

• Ask how they’re feeling: Invite them to share questions or worries to help you understand what’s on their mind.
• Be honest and use simple language: Children respond best to clear, age-appropriate explanations.
• Reassure them they’re not to blame: Some children believe the loss happened because of something they said or felt.
• Include them in events: Consider including your children in events or activities to remember and honor the loss.

Conversations With Family and Friends

Even well-meaning people may say things that land poorly or feel dismissive of your grief. Remember, you can:

• Set boundaries: It’s OK to decline conversations, visits or advice you’re not ready for.
• Ask for the support you prefer: Some people aren’t sure how to help. Offer suggestions, such as bringing a meal or helping with chores.
• Decide what’s right for you: Decisions about services, keepsakes or how you grieve are yours to make, not anyone else’s.
• Lean on a support person: A trusted friend or family member can act as a spokesperson, filtering communication and helping tend to the needs of you and your family.